Bollox!

Think I just totally stuffed up my new search for jobs. Got to the place and was fine, but once inside....bleugh....Mr Nervous returns. Well it started brill, couldn't find my CV on their system which I know I def e-mailed to them on Sat. No copy on me so prepared as ever!

Then onto the questions. "What am I looking for? Where? Salary? " To which alll that came outta my mouth was "Eeerr....not sure." Yeah great! Then the "how much time have you had off sick in the past year?" question. The truth came out, "two weeks" which was met with a gasp and look of horror. Look lady, it's been a bad year, go look at the previous 4, then look at me in horror....not even 2 again in total. Think the only good part was me using their computer and doing some programm tests. F@%ked up the typing bit but hey I gave it a go.

Now gotta find 2 refernces which will be fun cos she don't want my current job, the previous guy just died and with another previous she is off ill and may not go back! Looking good!

Finally!

I'm finally gonna Do it! Ok, I've got a little help from a couple of friends and I've had a couple of cans, but still......I'm finally going to do one of the things I set out. Maybe I'm making to bigger deal out of it.....but to me this is big. Do I look ok? Prob, no real difference from normal. Well except two HUGE spots I've occured! Why does that always happen? I'm sure it will be fine. Not first and def not the last. Go in, few drinks, chat and leave. Simple as!

Just Be

Have had a trance tune for a while and decided to listen to it properly the other day. Realised the lyrics do actually mean something and thought they kinda provided an answer to how i'm feeling at the moment. Now I just need to believe it...

Tiesto Feat. Kirsty Hawkshaw - Just Be

Travel the world
Don't you come run away
From the person you are in your heart
You can be who you want to be
Make us believe in you
Keep all your light in the dark
Be searching for truth
You must look in the mirror
And make sense what you can see

Just be--
Just be

They say learning to love yourself
Is the first step that you take
When you want to be real
Flying on planes to exotic locations
Won't teach you how you really feel
Face up to the fact
That you are who you are
And nothing can change that
I believe

Just be--
Just be

Cause now I know
It's not so far
To where I go
That I am spared
It's inside me--
To just be
Just be
Just be

I was lost
And I'm still lost
But I feel so
Much better

Cause now I know
It's not so far
To where I go
That I am spared
It's inside me--
To just be
Just be

And flying on planes to exotic locations
Won't teach you how you really feel

Just be--
Just be

Prob breaking some copyright law but hey.....and just found out the original is from Nip/Tuck. ?.

Get well soon!

Come on I know you can get through this, it's gonna be ok. The worst part is not knowing. Getting nightly updates from dad, but it's not enough, need to know more regularly and sooner and being able to speak to you would help. Well I'll be here, waiting, keep an eye on stuff, keeping it alive. Just feel so helpless, you're only a short distance away, but you seem so far. No point me going over, can't do much when there. Maybe keep dad sane. Well just get well and get back here!