Winning

Some people say it's not the winning but the taking part that counts. Bollox.....course it is!

Sometimes.....WHY?

Sometimes you make me think why? Why did I do it? Did I really need to say anything? Is it really progress or just something for you too laugh and joke about? Well I've gotta live with it every day of my life.....I aint laughing! Maybe sometimes yeah ok, but do you ever stop and think? Maybe I'm making more out of it than I need to. I just know that if I did it, which ok I sometimes do, then if would be very different.

I don't learn....I still tell you stuff....you still do it....I tell you more.....it continues. Just feel that I'm and it is not taken seriously sometimes.

Lonely but not alone

I can feel so lonely but I know I'm not alone. I know you are all just a phone call/txt/email away but sometimes that just aint enough. I know I'm not the only one who can feel like this, but it don't make it any better or easier. Still dunno what to do....

Dunno...?

That's the problem....I just dunno. Not sure what I want, why I want it or how I'm gonna get it. I know i'm fed up with what's thrown my way by most of you. Prob thrown just as good back.....but still. That's as far as I've got.

I see you getting it sorted and know what I've gotta start doing. I try and try but then it's bollox to it. Never seems to work. This slump, this dip, this 'what the fuck next?' is lasting longer than before. It nearly became clear, but then it all went....bleugh. Argh who cares?

I don't mean too.....

I don't mean too and i didn't mean too. It just kinda happens, I knew it would happen. Can't do it sensibly can I? Nope just rush in do it and regret as soon as it's done. Dunno wat it is, summin just takes over and bam, it's out. End of. No matter what i do and say from then on it's there just hanging. No apologies, tired of sayin them.

While I was out

I thought and hoped you would come while I was out. Don't know what the few who saw me thought but i didn't care. I just stopped, out in the open and let you fall on me. Feeling you run over me, washing my worries and fears away just for a couple of minutes. Listening to you fall on everything around me. The great smell you get. But it had to end so now just sat here listening to you fall, watching as you cover everything. Why do people shield themselves from you? In the past you have annoyed me, but that was then.

What's wrong?

What's wrong? who knows?.....cos I certainly don't. Never happy with it I guess.....hmmm... Happy(PLEASED): adjective feeling, showing or causing pleasure or satisfaction. Happiness: noun [U]the feeling of being happy....Well I suppose it happens once in a while. Just in a slump, a dip, a 'what the fuck next?' Nothing seems to be constantly getting too me, just everything. Lots of little worries about me, life and my mates. But that's what I do, that is me, worry (or warry) about everyone.

F&£K IT!

It's taken me all this time but after today I've finally had enough, so fuck it! The more I do the more I get treated like shit, so bollocks, no more! I wake up worrying, I go to bed worrying, what's goanna happen next? No one else appears to worry or be bothered so why should I?

I say stuff and it's the look of here he goes again. No point, it's like banging my head on a wall. It doesn't affect them or they aren't going through it. I'm on the edge of blowing all the time. It's just not good or healthy. It's gotta change, it's gonna change. The process has started, just give it time and a bit of sortin.