Why do you do it? I've tried to help but i can't get in. You must realise what you're doing, even if it's not at the time but at some point after. I don't know how to handle you any more, how to take you or even how to speak to you. You've tested me so many times, my energy for you is running out.

The person you are now is not the person I knew. Kinda the same for everyone I know, but you have been more dramatic. Just don't know what to do. The self destruct button has been pushed. Who knows how it's gonna end?

Still not where I want this blog to be going but can't help how I'm feeling, at least i've made it on to here. How long before it dies I dunno.

Just feel so angry and annoyed at alot of stuff right now. Got no idea why. Some of it important, some of it just stupid stuff that shouldn't bother me.

Hate feeling like this cos I just wanna be happy for a bit. It all seems to be a bit shite. One thing after another. Think you got one thing finnished and along comes something else, or even better a couple at once. Try talking and either can't really expalin, feel they are partly listening, thinking here he goes again or just don't really care that much. I'm sure that none are really the case. Just my head again.

You two faced, back stabbing fking bitch! Can't belive you said that about me! Well I can cos I know wat you're like. Then to be as nice as anything to me face-to-face. Fcking bitch! To think of all the time and effort I've taken. I'm sure others can see you for wat uou really are. Not done or said anything yet, working out what and how to takle it. Don't worry you'll get what's comming!

Thinky type

Lost...Stuck...Fed-up...
...Unhappy...Lonely...Needy?/Ignored?...Immature?...Negative...

Another week

Well that's another week of hol gone.

Bolox!

Acheived nothing.

Gotta get outta this rut.

Wish things could be just straight forward.

Leave it all behind.

Speech

There has definately been a lot lately about the right to have freedom of speech. I for one def believe we should have this right but I have been thinking about how far you can take it. To be offensive just for the sake of it is the reason why the right is often questioned.

Everyone is entiltled to their own opinions and should be able to voice them when they wish. The problem with this of course is that one persons views will no doubt upset another or may cause harm to a whole group or community of people. They would have the opposite views and could argue their point aswell. This, as has been seen recently, could lead to things becomming out of hand.

So what's the answer? I've have no idea! Freedom of speech is a good thing and to loose it would be terrible. When voicing your views do you edit before you speak? That would be stupid as you would not be expressing your views fully and not using freedom of speech as it should be. Should we all just except we have different views on things? To apoint yes. I also belive that if some one has offended you in some way then you have the right to tell them. Not in an agressive way but in a way to just get your point across. Maybe even find out why they have this view.

It's a tough one. A subject I've only really began to read about and understand. Laws are trying to be passed (in England) that are trying to take away parts of this right. These were thrown out so a 'watered down' version was submitted. Good or bad I'm not sure.

Don't think this post really went where I was intending it to go. Had it slightly planned in my head but couldn't type it...maybe that was the problem.

Progress?

I thought I was making some progress, or at least planning what i was going to try and achieve. Now it all seems to have stopped again. Think the problem is I plan to do all these things but I'm at work so can't do them or can't fit them all in. It then comes to, as I'm on now, time off and all I wanna do is relax and not think about stuff for a bit. By the time I comes round to me trying to sort the stuff I've not got enough time left. At the moment I'm not as free as I usually am, not complaining, just unfortunate it happened at same time. Other stuff has become more important.

There are some things that need others to make a descision or give me more input. That I can't help, but some of these are the things i wanna sort before everything else. Just have to be patient I guess.

Guess If I really want the changes and achievements then I will make them, or at least help to make them happen.

Still not in a totally positive mind at the moment. Guess I'll just have to tackle it all if and when the stuff arises. Not sure how cos I still feel that it's partly me with the problem and don't need to make issues out of stupid, unnecessary stuff.

News

Had some good news and some bad news. Not sure how to feel. The bad news not really affected me, more the people around me, but think is should have in some way. Not sure. Don't seem real at the moment, maybe the more it's talked about.

Different mind?

Sometimes I think that I have a different way of thinking than the others around me. Apart from the obvious this maybe true. Is there some way it's 'wired' differently or am I just looking for an excuse for my actions sometimes?

I admit that occasionally I have fits of jealosy. I often can't explain why I feel it, after all it's not in my life so why should it bother me? Got to realise that one thing does not make it all perfect for that person.

Other times I know I (def) worry and often over care about what others are doing. I try to get them to understand my way of thinking instead of just leaving them to figure it all out. If they fck up then they will learn.

There I times when I over care about a person, worry about how they are or how they are feeling. I know we are all friends and that's what friends should do but some times I know I am a bit much. Poss seems a bit weird at times? I don't mean it to be I just wanna help if I can. Then I often go the completley the other way to try and make up for it.

Thats not to say that no one around me does or acts the same. It just seems with me that it's maginfied or I seem to get more involved.

Well I don't know what all this means. Not making me go down any further, just a realisation post I suppose. Will I act on it? Do I need to? I am sounding like a real weirdo now?

I've hopefully just done something that will change the way i'm feeling, or at least a chance to get 'out there'...who knows? Too early to tell, I'll keep you posted.