Not today...

Don't really wanna be thinking about stuff like this and especially not today. Some people just really amaze me. you can go out of your way to do stuff for them, remember things and dates and just genenrally be a freind. taht is where it seems to stop. A one way street. I hope i'm wrong, maybe it is all coming later, 'caught in the post' or not had time today.

Don't get me wrong, it may sound like I expect things, I don't, it just would be nice to have some thought shown. As ever I understand people are busy. There again that's just the thing, so caught up in their own lives. Well I know at least two people have cared and put some thought in. I'm gratefull to them. And to those I will be seeing later. This is not what is bothering me.

gonna stop before I piss myself off and ruin what is meant to be a good day...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ME!

Wasted

Had it in the back of my mind for the past month, poss more, and it's suddenly become bigger. A feeling that I've wasted the past 6 or so years of my life. These years were possibly there for me to get a proper start in life, a chance to prove and make something for myself. Now I'm sat here thinking what the fck have I done and what the fck do I do? The rut has become a trench.

Free time

It's so annoying that when you are working or on the go you wish you had some time off and time to yourself. Then when you have free time you feel like you should be doing something. I guess it's the feeling of achieving something and not just thinking you've wasted it all.

All change

Just realised it is well over a month since I last put anything down here. Had a couple of things I could have said but either decided not to or just didn't get round to it.

Just got back from a week in Malta with four of my friends. Was a good one but now some where in the middle, feel good from that but not so good comming back and 'normal' life continuing.

It's been a bit up and down the past couple of weeks. Waiting to find out things and having changes come up. Have a feeling that it's going to continue epsecially as I know alot is going to change quite soon. Some I can help go smoothly. Some are totally out of my control and so I guess I'm more worried about these, how I'm gonna deal with it and how it's gonna affect. Again it's not just one thing at a time...

Def been on my mind the past couple of days as the Malta hol was comming to and end. Was gonna say some stuff but never got a chance and not make it all about me. I guess it's the fear of going through it all and not coming out the other end alright. That you have't lost some one or some thing.