Wow I'm famous!...kinda part3

Dunno if they don't have many people contributing stuff to the mag but just foind they've used my stuff again. This time I got sent summin through myspace about what period did I think Kylie was at her best.

Wow im famous!...kinda pt2

Sent an email to Gay Times saying thanks for publishing my response to their smoking survey and how it had made me realise a few things. Opened up the new issue today and there I am again on the letters page. Wow!

Gaydar

Well apparently all gay blokes have them. Some have them more finely tuned than others. Thought mine was a faulty or maybe even broken. Was gonna ask for my money back or worse still have my membership card taken away.

Dunno what has happened but mine seems to have kicked in over the past few weeks. Managed to guess right on two guys in the past couple off weeks. First one was a guy who keeps comming into work. Saw him first time and I dunno what it was but summin about him set it off. We've said the odd sentence to each other but just thought it was me and the whole 'He seems alright I wonder if he's gay' thing. Couple of days later I was on a gay site found his profile. Sounds a bit stalkerish I know but that's how it happend.

Second guy was today when I was out shopping. Comming outta the magazine section in Smiths and noticed this guy. Thought to myself I bet he's gay. Kinda a small thing but he had one of those man bag/satchels other than that no real reason. Can be quite often a dead cert and I know staight guys have them aswell. I have one but just cos I don't wanna be carrying stuff or have a rucksack. Anyway...He went staight to the shelf and picked up Gay Times and started flicking through. Not big proof I know but enough for me anyway.

Change

Well it's not as bad but I seem to be in one of 'those' moods. It's been ok the past couple of months but maybe because I've kinda had stuff going on or comming up. The past few weeks it's all been about the 'new you' and '50 things you need to change or you'll die' just being shoved into your face every 5 minutes.

I know to a point i've done that, but then they are the main things I know I need to do to prob get the best outta my life or at least make a change for the better. I suppose they are all mostly mental changes and to a point getting my personality out there. I'm kinda forgetting the physical side (am I making any sense?). I've probably never really talked about it to anyone apart from few sparse conversations about general stuff...oh and a rather drunk ramble about it a couple of weekends ago. Can't really remember much of what I said or what the answers were. Oh well

I suppose I'm just worried about the shallowness of the world we are now in. That includes me to some degree aswell. Many say they are not but in my experience there is some a small part of it in all of us. In some it's not their fault, it's just there as a hang over from our origianl design.

The big thing I've been pondering for the past couple of weeks has been about whether or not there is anyone waiting around on the path that my life is on. At the moment it don't seem it. Mostly my fault I admit. The more I walk on the lonelier it's getting. I've got frineds settling down, hell even getting married. I chat to people and it's 'I've been with so and so for x years'. It kinda just makes me wonder and think and sometimes have alot of self doubt.

How's it going?

Well here we are over half way through the first month of '07. Thought of my previous post and think I need to do a constant check on myself to see how I'm doing and progressing.

Well I've been smoke free for a week now. Pretty good going as I've not manged that the previos two weeks. kinda helped that I've had a shitty cold thing so not really felt like it. Plus I've not bought any and the ones I had are long gone. Went to the pub last night and so managed to past that test aswell, althought again had none and wasn't offered any. Still prety pleased with all this.

The freinds thing. Well an on going thing but still moving forward on that. Did have a slight lapse mid-week but got myself out of it. So still going good on that...I hope...hmmm reasurance issues?

The going out thing. Hasn't been that bad. Went up to london last week to the Russian Winter festival and then onto a few bars and a club. Again the bars turned out different to what I was in my head. Wasn't really my fault but didn't help I was being pushed into things that were not right for the time or place.

Think I need to do things in my own time. Maybe a gentle nudge now and them but not a great big shove. def not n in a place where everyone was blatantly with some one...how it looked anyway. As was said after, I did that to them then I have a feeling I would get some abuse back. Didn't seem bad at the time but looking back I'm kinda pissed. And it's not the first time.

The rest of the week not been that productive cos of the cold thingy. Just not felt like doin anything and just been managing work. Alot better now so forwards it is!

The job thing and sortin myself out kinda goes with what I've put above.

Well mostly a positive post/week/progression. Can't do it all at once but but at least I'm still looking forward.

New year new me?

Well once again it's come to that time (happy new year by the way!) where everyone decides what they are going to change or try to do in their life. Never really made resolutions because more often than not the ones made are stuff that you should or at least could do in your life anyway. Saying that I have been thinking for most of the week about stuff I could be doing:

1. Thought about this before the new year anyway and have decided to (try) and stop smoking. Did it before can do it again. It's not really at a serious point yet but will cut it out before I become totally addicted.
2. Not really a new thing but I want to continue not relying on my friends so much. I've been doing well over the pasrt month and not been as bad as I was. Also got passed the stage of worrying about it being perceived as me ignoring them. I've just realised we don't need to be in constant contact, always together and always doing something. As always two way traffic and tired of doing the chasing with some. Seem to have also become more comfortable with myself and being on my own. Maybe others would argue?
3. Hopefully this will be the year I 'find myself', get out there and start enjoying life a little more. Feel like my confidence has risen, a little way to go yet but definately improved.
4. Maybe ties in alittle with point 1 but feel I need to start looking after myself a little more. Did think I had it sorted a while back but stuff happended and I'm back way past the starting point. Need to do some inquiring and looking around.
5. Job...nuff said. Was gonna use this week as a starting point, but chilling seems to have come first...I will get there...why is it I'm more motivated the busier I am and less time I have for things?

Well that's a start. Wasn't going to make a list/resolution thing but at least it gives me something to look back at and hopefully tick off. No doubt more can/will be added.

Maybe not a new me, just an updated, slightly improved version.