Taking hold...going down?

I can feel it trying to take hold. Trying to fight it but I know it's gonna take me down at some point. If I just knew what I was doing. I just know by now I should have some clue, but I don't. It's becomming stale, I'm becomming stale.

I realise others don't, but that's not my problem. I just know each day, week, month that goes by I'm still here goin 'hu?'. I'm nearly 24, should I be worrying about this or is it still too early? I'm nearly 24 should I be trying to have fun or worrying about where I'm going and what I should be doing?

I look around and it appears to me some are more sorted. Appearances can be deceptive I know. I want some of what they have, not in a jealous way, just in a way I feel that it should be me by now. They've had chances and stuff happen, maybe it's fcked them over, but it's all been experinces.

I look arround and it appears some are far less sorted and have no idea. I don't want that. I think I'm somewhere in between, but could slip into this section so easily.

Now the big one...relationships. They can be good, they can be bad. They can make you feel wonderful, they can fck you over. I know all this and and want one. Not in the 'oh god I've been single for soooo long' way, but more the fact i just want someone else in my life who is not just a mate.
I crave attention and affection. I'm not ashamed to admit that any more. If I'm too much I'm sorry but I've learnt that that's me and so be it. I love hugs. I cannot remember the last proper hug I had. Not the 'hello' or 'goodbye' ones, they happen alot, but a proper 'I'm huggin you cos I care and I'm here for you' hug. Oh man, gone all soppy and emotional...

...right sorted myself. Just some recent chats have brought it all to the surface again.I've posted some of this before, but the feelings aint goin away. I've seen people go in and out of them, still I'm sat on the sidelines just watching. Well I'm not gonna find it on here am I?

Wish someone would come along, read this blog and go there, there its all gonna be ok. That's never gone happen...all down to me...I'm fcked...